PAST NOTES

1995 — TWELVE

Tutti Frutti are you serious about Carl?
Because if you are joking with me you are an asshole!
Anyway what did Carl say? Did he say he was gonna
break up with Jackie or that he was going to cheat
on her? Why the fuck would he ask me. When?
Tonite on the phone if he calls? ‘cuz if he asks
I’m gonna say no. And if I don’t say No there is
no way I’m gonna say yes! W/B, -eve

Eve: Yes, I’m serious about Carl, he has it all
planned out. Tomorrow he’s gonna call Jackie
and their going to town. He’s gonna get her
really stoned which I don’t agree with because
its my weed. He’s gonna fuck her and and if
she’s good he’ll keep her. If she’s bad he’s
gonna do it again to make sure. Then he’ll ask
you out after school. He said one time at James
Hill’s house he thought you would have let him
fuck you, like you were looking at him all sweet
but then you started talking about how he was
goin out with Michelle and she’s one of your best
friends. Oh and he said he kissed you one when
you were going out with James the Kruster. So
he says you like him and you’ll say yes cause
you cant resist him. W/B – Primo

Primo, he is such an asshole. Damn! I never
discussed any of that any of that w/ him and I do
NOT like him and I would never go out with him!
Please tell him that so he knows his skank ass
little plan isn’t gonna work! I did kiss him once
but duh, that was only just a kiss. BFD. It
meant nothing. And not to mention Jackie will
be pissed and when she finds out, the only one
Carl will have a chance at fucking is Rita
their dog. –eve

So you weren’t gonna fuck him? That dick lied.
Don’t tell Jackie. I’ll make Carl tell her because I
got him on Black Male. I’ll make him apologize
for saying you were gonna fuck him. Ok cool.
Later dude. You kissed him though. Fool.
- Primo

This is the only note in the collection in which I appear. I think it might actually be the only note in which Primo appears (he wasn’t much for paper and pen). I am pretty sure we were passing the page back and forth during detention, because I don’t recall having any classes with Primo that year. This note needs a lot of ‘splaining. First of all, Primo’s nickname was Tutti Frutti. I have no idea how that came to be. Carl Udder was a grade below me, a townie, and one of James’ and Primo’s good friends. Total stoner. He was also a total white gangster, but we did not discriminate, and if you were a dirtbag inside, or underneath your basketball jersey, you were still a dirtbag. I suppose now would be a good time to interject with a common small town high school walking contradiction I have seen more than my fair share of: The Racist Thug.

The RT is a white male who was born and raised in the country, and who probably has family members who belong or belonged to the KKK. I can only speak for Northeastern RT’s, because I have no idea what this would translate to in the South. And yes, the KKK can be found in NY State, those fucktards can be found everywhere. Now let me get to the point of what the RT is all about. The RT is someone who dressed in the 90s hip-hop style of baggy jeans or shorts hanging off their behinds, exposing boxer shorts, white unlaced Nikes, oversize sweatshirts or basketball jersey’s, and a (possibly backwards) baseball cap. The RT listens to only rap music, plays basketball video games nonstop, watches BET, speaks as if they were brought up in Bedford Stuyvesent, Brooklyn, but “fuckin’ niggers” is not an uncommon slur to hear from the mouth of an RT. The RT is completely obvlivious that they give zero credit to the sources of the style they bite, and that zero credit goes into the negatives when you consider how deeply, and unabashedly, they are racist.

The RT was brought up in a multi-generational home of racists. Whether its on the surface or not, the family of the RT probably has a patriarch who is proud to state he “doesn’t mind black people” but “sure hates niggers”. And because it has always been this way for these ignorant people, the elder family members don’t even realize their sons have completely adopted so many aspects of hip hop culture - they have no clue their sons are modeling their wardrobes from The Wu-Tang Clan, their lingo from Tupac and their pastimes from Shaq. The families have absolutely no connection to what is going on with black youth culture in America so they don’t know any better. Obviously, that is no excuse.

Anyway, Carl was a full-on white gangsta, a blond haired, blue eyed, pale faced, freckled RT. I would have never hooked up with him. Not only did I not like blonds but he was younger than me and I wasn’t into that. I only liked older boys (and I cringe at what a cliche I was just as hard as you probably do). I foggily remember kissing him in James’ basement, but the memory is as clouded as the room was with smoke. I don’t know what Jackie was thinking getting involved with him, but she must have been really bored in The God Posse. Carl lived in town so it would have been a geographically convenient fling to maintain, but I don’t seriously think anything culminated from his shady scheme.

Luckily, Primo kept him from pestering me and I never had to hear about any of it ever again. Carl made it to ninth grade the next year but he didn’t stick around for too much longer after that. I saw his sister waitressing once at a diner a few years later. She looked tired.