1995 — FIFTEEN
Eve,
Whats UP chick, I completely and totally
understand where you’re coming from. I can
wait until your head clears, because I really like
you too. But I would wait for you, only be cause
youre so special. I wouldn’t wait for any normal
person, only…
EVE THE GODDESS OF KNOWLEDGE,
ANYWAY,
I’m kinda slow, so you might havta drop
hints if you’re ever ready for me.
Anyway, as long as we’re talking that’s cool.
But I’m gonna see you out of school, so, maybe
that’ll settle shit out. Gotta go.
Hugs N’ Kisses
Gabe.
I let Gabe down easy even though I suppose I had led him on by giving him his first kiss. I told him I wanted to just remain platonic but I would let him know if my feelings changed - even though I was pretty certain they would never. It was one of the first times I saw true potential in a boy as a close friend , at least since I was four or five, when my two best friends were boys, and remained as such until second grade, when I formed a little clique of three other girls because I finally had found ones I liked, who returned the sentiment my way. From there on I only really bonded, even associated, with girls. Only once I got to high school did I really begin to garner genuine friendships with boys. Gabe and I would stay gabbing on the phone to each other until we’d fall asleep still on the line. And after the idea of “us” ever coming into fruition was out of the picture, our friendship became closer and stronger. He became my rock, as much as I loathe that cliche phrase, for the duration of my high school career.
He was pretty much always single thoughout the first three years of school, and in contrast I was a complete, unabashed slut. He was always there for me, thoughout every boyfriend, every hookup, every breakup, get-back-together, rape scandal, rumor, nasty bit of gossip, fight, party, punk rock show, trip to the mall, capture the flag game, ride to school, everything. But finally, during senior year, he began to date a freshman girl, as slutty as I was when I was her age, and I swear to god, I never saw him ever again.
It was sad. All that time bonding together and as soon as he got some pussy he was OUTTA there. OK that may sound bitter but I’m just being sarcastic (and blunt) and I’ve never resented him for that shit ever, and he knows it. We talked about it years later. I understood his position completely and would never hold a grudge over some high school thing like that. I did miss him that year though, our last year of this life experience together and there I was, moving far away the very morning after graduation. I had wanted to spend more time with him but looking back I realize I’d had all that time from him, during which I never would have given him what he really needed/wanted. I could never be that selfish with his attention, I know what we have is more deeply rooted than that. I know if we only lived in the same town again, he would be there for me just as much as he was then.
